Yes, you, wearing that stupid headphone, talking to no one.
As many of you know, I hate cell phones, and I loathe the stupid
wireless ones with the ear piece. I always end up talking to the dork
wearing it before I figure out he's not talking to me. (Yeah, I know,
who's the dork now?)
Did you know that drunks drive better than cell phone users?
Reader Dianne, who knows how I feel, sent the following column from
RCR Wireless.com. I couldn't have said it any better:
So my friends over at Strategy Analytics found that the Bluetooth
headset market grew 153 percent last year. That's a lot, I'm pretty
sure. Motorola led the market with a 28.2-percent share. I'm sure it's
because of the Motorola Razrwire.
(I'm actually being sarcastic here. The Razrwire is the weirdest
product ever. If you think attaching a wireless headset to a pair of
sunglasses is cool, then you are not. It's almost as bad as combining
a wireless headset and a snowboarding jacket.)
Now, back to the growing Bluetooth headset market: Strategy Analytics
says that the Bluetooth headset market is going to increase another 70
percent this year. This is bad news for the human race.
If the Bluetooth headset market is expanding, that means there will be
more people walking around with Bluetooth headsets. And if there's
more people out there wearing Bluetooth headsets, then the people who
don't yet own one might then be inspired to go out and buy one so they
too can look like an idiot. This situation will create what I like to
call a "vicious cycle of rage in Mike Dano."
You see, let me explain something to you all with the Bluetooth
headsets: YOU LOOK LIKE IDIOTS. Yes, you do look like you're talking
to yourself. No, it's not cool just because it's the latest in new
technology. Yes, if Chuck Norris were around, he would roundhouse kick
you to the face.
Even worse than talking on a Bluetooth headset are those people who
just wear them around town, like it's normal. Yeah, real normal.
You've probably seen these people at the mall or the grocery store-
nonchalantly walking around with a giant silver Dork Flag attached to
their ear.
Is it too much trouble to just pick up your phone?!?!!? Are you really
that important!?!?!? Should I really want to kill you this much??!!?!?
My solution to this problem, which tears at the very fabric of our
nation? I pretend they're talking to me. As they amble on by,
discussing the latest news about Windows Vista, I react as any normal
member of society would:
Headset Idiot: Yeah, did you hear about the integrated search function?
Me: Yes I would like some creamed corn!
Headset Idiot: I know, I know, I wish it didn't get delayed.
Me: No I don't want to drive the space shuttle!
Headset Idiot: Did you hear how much RAM it's going to need?
Me: My pockets hurt!
I hope that this nonviolent approach to the Bluetooth headset problem
catches on. I'm sure Dr. King and Mr. Gandhi would be proud.
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