Why's It So Hard to Find Good Underwear?

I need new undies. Despite having a drawerful stuffed so full I can barely close it, there are only a few pairs that don't ride up, bunch, turn themselves into a thong or roll under my stomach when I sit.

Why's it so hard to find good underwear? I've been looking and looking to replace mine, but can't find styles that are a) comfy, b) non-cutesy c) somewhat sexy.

I was relieved to find in my inbox this morning a message from Hanes promising no-wedgie underwear (3 for $8!).

I'll let you know how they work.