Please tell me, dear readers, that you would never slip into these
fashion atrocities, no matter how inexpensive or comfy they are. Dear
God, they are ugly.
Reader Dianne C. writes, "On vacation last week, I would not stop
ranting to my friend Dave about how hideous I think Crocs are.
Everyone was wearing them! And he, a fashion plate who was surely a
woman in a past life, defended them (much to my horror) with an, 'I
understand they're quite comfortable.' Comfort, in my opinion, must
never ever come at the expense of good taste! That's why I never owned
Birkies and I look w/ disdain on anyone who dares wear these ugly
plastic Crocs. If you own them, I shall lose all respect. If you write
a blog, I shall gladly chime in to rant about them." DC, this one's
for you...
From the Boston Globe:
CUT THE CLOWN SHOES
Author(s): Christopher Muther
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something giant and
orange, and was quite certain that Mickey Mouse had arrived for a day
at the beach. Because who, but a giant cartoon rodent, would be
interested in strutting publicly in orange foam clogs? The answer is
this summer's most depressing fashion trend (and I'm using the term
fashion quite loosely).
The giant orange shoes at the beach were not attached to a registered
trademark of the Disney company, but a 50-something-year-old dad who
was wearing Crocs. For those who have had the good fortune to miss
them, Crocs are the foam shoes that resemble the clogs my sister wore
in fifth grade, cross-bred with an Ikea cheese grater. Crocs are the
Merrells of 2006, only squishier and, not to mince words, even more
repugnant.
This has been the summer of Crocs. Much like David Hasselhoff and West
Nile Virus, I can't get away from them. People wear them at the beach,
to the convenience store, and in restaurants (cut to me losing my
appetite). Shop for tabouli, and there are Crocs for sale at Whole
Foods. Look for a birthday card for your grandmother, and there are
more Crocs selling at the Hallmark store next to the overscented
lavender candles.
I'm flummoxed that people are eagerly paying $35 to enrobe their feet
in Crocs when they could be spending their money on more aesthetically
pleasing fashion options, such as the stretch pants sold in the back
of Parade magazine.
Nurses, sous chefs, professional gardeners, children under the age of
8, and anyone with an employee ID from Barnum & Bailey are fine to
wear Crocs. If you fall into one of these categories, please don't
write me an angry letter. If you don't fall into one of these
categories, I encourage you to unite with other Crocs owners, light a
bonfire, and melt those homely things into beer can cozies for the
needy. The company sold 6 million pairs last year that's a lot of beer
can cozies for the needy.
Normally I'm Teflon to these fashion trends. But Crocs have stirred a
rare emotion inside me, the same feeling I experience when I see
people wearing sweat pants in the grocery store or Paris Hilton's
quivering little dog on E!. I understand that no one is immune from
bad fashion decisions--just ask me about my unfortunate bolo tie phase
in high school--so consider this rant to be nothing more than kind
advice from a friend, a friend who can't stand to see any more people
walking around in Grandma the Clown's footwear this summer.
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